Here are some things that I don’t like in golf in no particular order.

Carts: I know that some people wouldn’t be able to golf without them so I’ll excuse that group. To everyone else I simply ask, “why?” You’re meant to walk. It’s simple. It’s the only way to properly enjoy the game. Carts are just wrong. OK, maybe in desert sun they’re less wrong – but they are still wrong. And as for courses that don’t allow walking? Totally wrong.

Alcohol: I enjoy more beer than I should and I’ve got no problems with drunks as long as they don’t drive, fight, or talk to non-drunks. But I don’t understand why people think they can successfully mix alcohol and golf. To me golfing time is precious time and I don’t want any of it to wasted. I can drink for most of the other 163 hours in the week. Golf is difficult. Overcoming the difficulty is what makes it fun. Why make overcoming the difficulty harder/ impossible? Get pissed after the game!

Ryder Cup: In the good old days, when nobody really cared about this, it was fun for the Brits and the occasional Irishman to play with and lose to the world’s best golfers. And the Americans so courteously applied the whipping – re: Nicklaus’ 4-foot (or whatever it was) concession to Tony Jacklin in 1973 (or whenever it was) to tie the overall match. Then Ballesteros happened and the rest of Europe joined in to try and even the contest. This was successful and we had ourselves an even battle – much more watchable. It was a fairer fight. But, unlike hockey, there’s no fights in golf and there shouldn’t be any crowds chanting, captains dancing, and fists pumping, which leads me to #4 – Fist pumping.

Fist pumping: First let’s distinguish between a modest closed-fist motion when holing a big put in strokeplay (OK) and the Sergio Garcia-like Ryder Cup antics (not OK). I think Tiger Woods is great and I’ve no problem with how he carries himself (like he cares what I think?) but if I had had one wish ……Tiger, cool it with the fist.

Bad phrases: I’m glad to say that I haven’t recently heard anyone say “golfing the ball” or “golf the ball”, maybe they’ve gone out of vogue: I certainly hope so. I still get annoyed when I recall them though, and wait nervously for the latest evolution of “golfer speak.”

The above is negative, I know so I’ll conclude by saying that I like pretty much everything else about golf.